This is Cancer

It took a good man.  A big, strong, solid, vibrant, loving man.

It took him, and knocked the wind out of his sails.  Drained his big, strong, solid, vibrant, loving body and weakened it, day by slow, excruciating day.

Took his pride.  Took his feelings.  Took his hopes and wishes away, and left him hollow.

With skeletal eyes, it made him gaze at me.  Causing constant pain, it led him to hold my hand and say nothing.

A beautiful man was taken out.

A man that was loved and was loving.

Pancreatic cancer grows, like a silence.

A death sentence that makes no sense.

A sentence that took away a whole book of a life.

This is cancer.


As fond as I am of making a short story long, this shall be a relatively brief post for a change.

I’m going to step back from blogging and the blogosphere for the time being. I have some health issues that keep compounding themselves and I am discovering that dealing with them is taking all my energies and efforts. The dialysis is not working as well as hoped and now I’m going through six months of drug therapy to squash a so called pre-cancerous condition.

So, I’m going to float for a while and remove myself from all the sturm and drang that we get caught up in on a daily basis and concentrate on healing.

I’ll miss you guys a lot more than you’ll miss me, so I probably won’t be able to resist a peek now and then when I have a good day.

Hopefully, I’ll be back in the Spring, meaner than before.

Keep yer fingers crossed for me.

Continue reading “Float”

Trying for Tranquility

Wow.  I step away from this place for a few months, and we get a whole bunch of new readers!  Wow.

I love it!

I am so very grateful for Dick and Aunt Sam’s suggestion to start posting about food.  Food is such a basic need, a staple in all our lives.  As is, unfortunately, money (or the lack thereof).  So great recipes that are easy on the budget and yummy to the tummy are very, very welcome here.  Trucking Momoe took the idea and ran with it and won an award, for crying out loud!  I am so proud of our Momoe, and so thankful for the new visitors and readers that we’ve gotten since then.

I have to apologize for being away for so long, folks.  Adjusting to my new life in PA has been an ongoing struggle.  I love it here, I am grateful beyond words to my mother for taking me in, and I’m happy to be working and making new friends.  But wow, it’s hard.  And also awesome.  Hard and awesome, all at once.  It’s a lot to take in.

My mother is going through a hard time, lately, with her depression and the subsequent meds she needs to take for it.  I wish there was a Happy Pill that I could give her, instead of all these crazy meds she has to try, to see what works with what, and what doesn’t.  I hate to see her on a roller coaster when I wish she could just coast through life with a smile on her face.  But she handles it with grace, so I have no complaints.  And I’m working again, but only part-time, with no benefits, and that’s a struggle but at least I have a reason to get up and get out of the house four days a week, heh.  Having been working at Hemlock for the past six months, I’ve learned a lot about living in a gated community, and all I can say is that the politics are ridiculous and my management is clueless.  But…it’s a job.  Could be worse.

And I’ve fallen in love.  Met a nice guy in May and even though it’s probably too soon to say I’m in love, I know it when I see it.  We have our ups and downs already, but he’s my buddy and we work it out.  So, it’s all good.

I don’t know, I just keep waiting for everything to fall into place and make sense again.  And it’s not happening yet.  And I get so impatient.  I want full-time work with benefits, I want to not be broke anymore, I want my mother better and my man happy and myself happy and my friends and loved ones happy, and…so far, it’s an uphill struggle.  I don’t know how to contribute more, here at Paradigm, while I’m in this mode — this holding period, if you will — while I’m waiting for the dust to settle around me.  But please believe me, I am keeping up with the posts and the readership and I’m loving all the contributions.  AND the new readers!

Give me a little time, and things will improve, I promise.  Thanks so much for your patience, and for being here, my friends.  I love you all and am grateful to you.

Be well.


Talking Points Memo TPMCafe Returning for Real?


OldenGoldenDecoy's pictureHeads Up! In case you haven’t heard…

Four days ago, our longtime fellow TPMCafe denizen, hoppycalif2 stated the following in a thread at the current Cafe site:

And today, Sunday 02/12/12, during an interview  with Brian Lamb on C-SPAN’s “Q&A” Josh stated that the Cafe was coming back onto the front page in some form or other.

Although, Josh said nothing about re-establishing the reader’s blog section during the chat.

I Just thought everyone would like to know this.



SOPA and our Site

Hello, friends. I just wanted to point out the new CENSORSHIP banner on the corner of our page, and urge you to click on it to learn more. It will be on our site until the vote on January 24.

Sorry it took me so long to put it up there.

Merry Christmas, from Paradigm

In honor of the season, I have added snowfall to our Paradigm page. Only problem is, you can’t really see it because of the white background. But…trust me, it’s there. 🙂 Stare long enough, and you’ll see it, I promise.

I’d like to take this opportunity to wish all of our writers and commenters and readers a very merry Christmas, happy Chanukah, happy winter solstice, and to thank every one of you for being here. I’m always happy to see new subscribers, and this year we’ve gotten several. Thank you, thank you, for reading our blogs. Thanks for joining us, and for enjoying us.

I wish everyone peace, and I hope 2012 is kind to us all.