RESOLUTIONS

JANUS
Janus (from whence we receive our words for January and janitor) was the God who looked forward and backward in time.
The concept is like the politician who reviews his books (the real books) from the year before in order to discern the sources of his bribes over the last year with an eye for discovering where his future bribes will come from.

Here are my revolutions in resolutions for 2012, the year we are all suppose to die.

 

  1. I am going to cut down on obscenities. Because of issues dealing with my DNA, I shall continue to blaspheme, but shall cut that sin down to a minimum; making sure the context of my blasphemy is apt for the circumstances as they present themselves.
  2. I am going to expand upon my attempts at incorporating more ‘valuable’ vegetables and fruits into my diet.
  3. I am going to stop any further ‘porn streaming’–except for Sundays and one hour during the week. A continuous hour that is.
  4. I am going to wear real pants three or four days a week; whether I am planning on leaving my cave or not.
  5. I am going to cut down on my smoking. (Yeah right, that ought to last about an hour on the 1st unless of course I end up taking a two hour nap!)
  6. I am going to quit playing my drum set (with my imaginary friends) whilst playing HWY 61 Revisited at two in the morning. Frankly I thought the next door neighbor was banging on her wall as an expression of her love of 1960’s riffs; attempting to join in the festivities. The Landlord just informed me that I was in error in my assessment. Now it turns out that my neighbor died of a heart attack around 2:30 AM the other day. Imagine that! Right out of the blue! I mean when it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go!
  7. I am going to cease barking back at the little bastard mutts who bark at me whilst I amble about in the neighborhood. This behavior merely condescends to the little buggers’ level and I have recently discovered that local children appear to be afraid of me.
  8. I find that I use far too many semi-colons so from now on I shall bracket everything. It will further confuse my rather chaotic writing but the reader will have to be much more careful to glean all he can from my prose.
  9. I shall refrain from referring to anything that rush or beckerhead or erik erickson or michael savage says for thirty days. I shall then have my blood pressure tested to see if this lenten-type fast improves my situation. Of course if I end up staring at a blank page for ten straight days I might have to reassess this decision.
  10. I shall refrain from beginning any comment to a post with the words: You moronic NAZI….
  11. I am going to write a ‘How To Book‘. I am already making a list of what I know how to do. So far the list includes typing and yelling at the TV but I have high hopes of discovering what I know; no matter how long that takes!
  12. I am going to attempt to start my own church. Recently, during a walk behind the bars facing Main Street I discovered secret coded garbage pail lids and I am in the midst of translating them. So far the Google translating system has rendered two words: God Dang. This may take awhile but I bet I can begin asking for contributions any day now.
  13. I am going to move my bed closer to the bathroom. I am not now prepared to discuss the reason behind this move.
  14. I shall cease from grabbing my container of special lotion every time Bachmann appears on the screen of my pc or telly.
  15. I am going to start a PAC for Ron Paul. I am in contact with O’Donnell’s attorneys about how I go about paying for my ‘expenses’ from the fund. I think there is a lot of money to be made in this proposed endeavor. Just the other day Newt sold his own list of donors to his own campaign fund for $42,000.00. So I already have lots of lists. I will just sell them to my PAC! If that does not do it I can hire my kids as PACMEN and pay them a hundred grand a year and since I am their agent they can kick back 20% to dear old dad!
  16. Remind me, I have to vacuum this week and wash the kitchen floor.
  17. I am going to write Letterman and demand that he quit referring to Mayor Bloomberg as a midget; the proper term is little person!
  18. I shall refrain from spitting upon people who disagree with me. There are no real people in this small apartment except for me anyway and most mornings I end up having to spray Lysol on the telly, my pc and sometimes even my walls.

 

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO REACH DOWN DEEP INTO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS AND GIVE ME YOUR LISTS; I MEAN BOTH OF YOU!

WHO CUT THE CHEESE? THE REPUBS DID! HA

Rick Santorum
 

 

What they’ll find, he said, is exactly what voters here are hungry for

I’m confident that when they do, they’ll find one person who — maybe I’m not the flashiest person, I may be a little boring when it comes to, because I’m consistent,” he said. “My record isn’t swiss cheese. I mean it’s solid, it’s a solid block of cheese.”

Santorum insisted he’s just the kind of boring Iowa likes.

I wrote a comment and the words cannot leave me.

You know how you write a thought and think: hell, I can walk away now!

No I had dreams about this comment.

So here IT goes!

There is a metaphorical war going on out there (and I shall define that term later on).

The war is between the haves and the have-nots.

But what is really depressing is that it is a war between the really really haves and the really really Have-nots.

And propaganda works!

I just viewed the film ‘Crash’ for at least the fourth year in a row. It is one of seventeen movies I have to watch every year now.

I recall that Ebert loved it, that some folks were pissed that Brokeback Mountain did not receive such acclaim.

But I wikied it and it turns out that Crash was filmed for six mill with another mill dedicated to advertisement. And it eventually ‘earned’ 100 mill and probably a lot more in cable fees and videos and whatever. (How in the fuck do you make a video based upon Crash?)

The reason the film was so successful was that the Hollywood bigwigs; the stars of the day; just said ‘yes’. You cannot get the stars of this film for a hundred grand. I would bet that Frazier and Holly and the rest of this super cast simply dedicated their small (not small to an idiot like me) wages to some charitable fund. Kind of like Tiger Woods who has never received a dime from his $200,000,000.00 in tournament winnings!

Catch this movie if you can and catch it again if you have only viewed it once or twice. Bigotry is in all of us and good is in all of us and we have trouble, as mortals, sometimes distinguishing between these two aspects of humanity!

At any rate, Santorum’s cheese metaphor (or was it a mere simile?) brought many wonders to me in the

dream realms of odors and milk products and European History and goats and cows and sheep and yaks and mean women.

I seldom find myself in agreement with the real anti-Christ (in my mind anyway) but I think he hit the nail on the head (of cheese anyway) when he proclaimed that he was a head of cheese with no holes in it.

So if we are to take Ricky’s metaphor to heart, what might we conclude?

RON PAUL

Okay, recall when you were a child and had to visit Grandma and Grandpa in their small abode.

The stench was offal. The smell of old folks is usually unpalatable to a child.

Stale beer and boiled dinners and smelly pets and…..

Ever notice how poor ole Ron never raises his arms too high? When I was a kid I would remark about that behavior. Now I UNDERSTAND that problem.

Ron Paul reminds me of Thomas Jefferson’s great cheese.

The cheese bore the Jeffersonian motto Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.

Basically all these farmers got together and made a statement. They combined all the milk from all the cow species under their dominion and made this great cheese pact (or is it pack?) and sent it to Tommy.

Jackson felt a kind of historical attachment to all of this!

And lately Ron Paul has been running as the Free Milk Candidate!

And almost every time I listen to some plea by Congressman Paul I immediately wonder

WHO CUT THE CHEESE!

MITT ROMNEY

2) Brie – When you’re know it as the best of all the French cheeses, you know it’s got to taste good, and brie does not disappoint. The unbelievably creamy taste of brie in quite unique. Best used as an Hors d’oeuvre.

Mitt is kind of a Hors d’oeuvre when you think about it.

I mean, I am sure he was all for Freedom Fries at one time.

But when he and his wives and his 126 children get together, a bunch of women are fixing some Hors d’oeuvre.

He recently proved that he was a self-made head of cheese.

I didn’t keep any of it. … So what Ann and I have is what we earned, and earned that in the private sector and didn’t make money in government,” Romney said. “I gave what they gave to me away, half to my kids and half to charity.

What a guy, what a bro and what a brie!

MICHELE BACHMANN

Michele my belle has to be considered a real American.

So my bet is that she belongs in the Velveeta category of fine cheeses. Velveeta is the brand name of a processed cheese product having a taste that is identified as a type of American cheese with a texture that is softer and smoother. It was first made in 1918 by Swiss immigrant Emil Frey of the Monroe Cheese Company in Monroe, New York. In 1923

I mean Michele is American Made and she is made of right wing products for sure. I mean there is no history with regards to her histories. There is no culture with regard to her cultural aspirations!

I mean Ms. Bachmann has just kind of amalgamated stories that she once heard in lectures from some third grade teacher, took them to heart and then found a Christian American Cheese Law School that would accept her idiocy in its credo!

This fine pretend cheese product can be put over some pasta product and feed an entire family of 27, if you count the foster kids, for about $3.45 and all the while she could pocket hundreds of dollars every single month from some socialistic food fund!

Oh how I love America!

JOHN HUNTSMAN

John knows more than most that the government should promise no more than a huge block of aged cheese to the peasants.

This guy can ride motorcycles, breed his Morman Children, speak Chinese, get Idaho non-Mormans off of welfare, hand over government duties to shrewd business guys, keep human eggs sacred, keep the homeless off the streets and despise most Americans (since most Americans are poor after all) at the same time!

Tibetan Yak Cheese!

http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/tibetan-yak-cheese-8-ounce-by-igourmet.com

Now you can only get this gem in the half pound package. But it really really satisfies that yearning for Yak.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtTC3pGBjs4

THE NEWT

Newton is a strange animal.

I mean he never really had an inheritance!

He ended up an army brat per his step father, since his real father took a second look at his mother and headed for the hills.

He began as a McPhearson and ended up as a Gingrinch.

We hear much about this waif’s travels throughout the world (he never really did achieve a home as a child you know) but all we hear about concerns his many degrees. He is an historian after all with a PhD in:

Belgian Education Policy in the Congo: 1945-1960.

Well, what subject could be more appropriate to the age we live in. Especially since we have Kenyan Leader, right here in America?

Imagine – a country famous for chocolate and cheese! Despite its small size Belgium makes more than 300 distinct varieties of cheese, the same number as France. The reason they’re lesser known than the legendary cheeses from neighboring European countries? Belgian cheeses are made in very small quantities and rarely exported out of the country.

 

I mean fuck exports!

We must keep our cheese products to ourselves!

I have not much to add to all of this except that every time I am faced with cuts from these repub debates (Because I cannot due to my health, watch them as they are relayed upon our airways) all I can think of is:

JESUS H. CHRIST, WHO CUT THE CHEESE?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crash_%282004_film%29

 

 

 

 

XMAS AND REDEMPTION!

Miracle on 34th Street

What actually is the most painful tune ever produced in the 20th century?

Sticky Fingers as a title for an album is atrocious and obscene and smelly even though one cannot smell things through the airways.

Four Dead in Ohio is painful for the listener for sure.

Where Have You Been My Blue Eyed Son…well I submit if you cannot cry during this lilt you are not human and are most probably a repub!

Southern Man, I submit, is the meanest, most violent, most painful of all the songs ever written in the 20th century.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Te97ZKgtw&feature=results_main&playnext=1&list=PL472BD53A060988F4

I am not making a moral assessment here.

You know the South, would just say: hey you northerners never really did like the NIGGERS anyway.

And if you look at the laws of the North in the context of those olden days, well Illinois would not allow a Negro to ever cross its boundaries!

So I make no moral assessment.

And so Sweet Home Alabama came along.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Du-CWASm20

I hope Neil Young will remember that Southern Man don’t need him around anyhow!

We all did what we could do!

Now does your conscience bother you?

Okie dokie!

Well I fall on the side of Neil Young anyway. Hahhahaahahah

And, as often happens this little debate has little to do with my mostly unread message here! Hahahahah

THE TEMP

The low up in these here parts was zero last night.

Considering the wind, our wind chill was -15.

How can anything or anyone survive at 0 let alone -15.

There was this urban myth when I was a kid that Farenheit went out to the outhouse one day and it was so very cold that he decided that it could never be colder than that!

And that is how he decided upon 0 degrees Farenheit. ha

The sun is abandoning us.

I know this because the sunrise today was at 7:43 AM and the sunset was destined to be 4:17 PM. That is only 8 hours and 34 minutes.

Just yesterday we had 3 more minutes of sunlight.

In only 13 days, we will come to the point that that if we keep this up we shall only have sunlight for 8 hours a day.

Simple arithmetic tells us that in only 160 days, we shall have no sunlight at all.

Forget global warming. I mean think of the cold!

And I am thinking from a place that is many hundreds of miles from the North Pole.

There is trouble, I mean trouble right here in River City and MSM just simply ignores this trend!

Thank God for history.

Normally, it has been documented that Winter begins on the shortest day of the year.

Normally that date falls between the 21st and the 22nd of December.

The actual length in which the sun maintains its arc is somewhere between 8 and 15hours up in these parts.

But the actual diarists note that although the arc will expand in time following the 23rd of December, it will only expand in that minutes are added in the AM but will not expand in the PM until the 25th.

That is, two or three days following the first day of winter, one will be able to document that the sun sets a little later on the 25th of December than it did on the 22nd or 23rd.

Now there are hundreds of different calendars from ancient times that are or were guided by the length of the arc of the Sun in measures of time.

A Georgia man preparing for the Christmas season spent a night in jail after he was arrested for shooting at mistletoe outside a Decatur shopping mall.

William E. Robinson, 66, was charged with reckless conduct and discharging a firearm on someone else’s property after he opened fire on a tree that held a sprig of the plant, which is commonly used as a Christmas decoration.

Robinson told CBS Atlanta that he was merely following a holiday tradition when he used his double-barrel 12-gauge shotgun to knock the plant out of a tree outside the North DeKalb Mall.

“Every year I go somewhere to get some mistletoe to decorate the house,” Robinson told the station. “I get some for my friends that can’t get mistletoe. The best way to get it is with a shotgun.”

Most people simply purchase mistletoe. But in some parts of the country, it’s a tradition to shoot first and decorate later.

Southerners preparing for Christmas have long used shotguns loaded with birdshot to knock mistletoe from trees, National Geographic wrote in 2001.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/07/shooting-mistletoe_n_1133603.html?ir=Weird+News

This last link only underlines my feelings with regard to Christmas and the war upon Christmas.

Each individual Christian chooses to celebrate the bring-back of the sun to our world! That is why Jesus really represents the Sun of God!

And this feller decided that the best way to welcome in the New Renewal of the Sun was to shoot at a mistletoe.

I mean, what could be more logical than that?

Well I have always shot down the Missletoe.

What the hell is the problem here?

Well I could just descend to some old comment about shooting oneself in the foot!

But I am much more a part of the intelligentsia than that!

Okay, so why do we celebrate the birth of our Savior (Savior from what? I mean savior from our mortality or our hunger or our thirst or our pain derived from daytime telly?)

I mean, there is evidence that Jesus was born sometime in March. I mean, He was supposed to be a Springy kind of guy?

We can even come to some conclusion that Autumn had something to do with all of this:

There is additional proof that Jesus was born in the fall of the year. The census of Quirinius that required Joseph to travel from Galilee to Bethlehem would most probably have taken place after the fall harvest when people were more able to return to their ancestral homes (Luke 2:1-5). Besides, it was customary in Judea to do their tax collecting during this period, as the bulk of a farmer’s income came at this time.

The fall is the time I get to gather the best corn stalks and tomatoes at my local grocery for chrissakes!

How Christmas Day Was Decided: In 360 A.D. Emperor Constantine, follower of Mithras, converted to Christianity after seeing a vision of a cross of light against the sun with a sign that said By this sign shall you conquer. He conquered Rome, established Christianity as the state religion, and declared December 25th the birthday of Christ.

Ah Mithras, who could forget Mithras?

Well, I was just sitting in my PJ’s and thinking:

Hell, MYTHRAS!

We all live by MYTHS. I mean Bill Clinton was the first Black President and W. Bush was the compassionate conservative!

And this silliness has nothing to do with love and renewal and brotherhood and sisterhood and wonder and humanity.

WE ALL LIVE BY MYTHS.

Myths SHOULD represent hope, and faith and charity and longings long lost and fairy tales and legends and symbols.

And there is nothing wrong, at least to me, in celebrating the date of Mythra’s birth.

Nothing at all.

So I shall never make a war upon Xmas.

What the hell would Macy’s or Gimbels ever do without Xmas?

Hey, the Dow is up like 300 points since Black Friday, when the light of the world might forever flicker to nothingness!

This is a time for renewal and hope and Gingrich!

What wonderful times we are about to live in!

THE END

VOX POPULI, VOX DEI: THE MUSICAL

Republicans of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your brains!

(DD)

The ‘Lists’ at one time referred to the arena where medieval knights would carry a great big stick on a steed and gallop toward another medieval knight who also carried a great big stick. It was not that difficult when you think about it for some ‘seer’ to predict that some prince engaging in such a contest might become dead in the end.

But it is the other type of lists that I am celebrating with song today.

As we approach a New Year, wading through 113 versions of A Christmas Carol, I have put together my own ratings of the republican candidates for the Presidency of the United States of America.

Everybody and their public relations firms will be publishing lists of famous quotes for the year.

But I decided to prepare my own since Oxymora noted that I am the single most rabid left wing blogger on the scene; a moniker I relish. Haahahah

So here goes, but I only include one or two quotes per candidate. You all will be inundated by lists throughout the month anyway per the net that was invented by Gore and sold for hundreds of millions of dollars by Lady Huffington!

Herman Cain THE Single Dumbest Candidate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTeOfZgtGTU&feature=fvst

Nine, nine, nine and everyone will be doing fine.

(The Hermanator)

(If you think I am going to spend any of my precious time quoting this jackass, you must have lost your brains a long time ago.) But just in case, here is a link:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/h/herman_cain.html

The reason I even mentioned this moron is that part of the nine, nine, nine program is a provision for a 9% National Sales Tax.

When he was asked about how that would affect states like Florida with a 9% state sales tax;

EVIDENTLY forgetting that the result of his program would be that everything one purchases at Walmart would cost an extra 18% in those states;

Michael Bird, federal affairs counsel for the National Conference of State Legislatures in Washington, said the sales tax, on top of what state and local governments already levy, could make it difficult for them to adjust their tax rates.

“Would the 9 cents create a ceiling, or would states say, now we have to lower our costs because the cost of goods and services are higher than a lot of people are comfortable with?” Bird asked. “It’s hard to say.” 

Robert Dietz, an economist at the National Association of Home Builders, said new homes sales would see a double tax increase. The house itself would be subject to the 9% retail sales tax, and then buyers would have to pay tax on the interest on their mortgage, as opposed to now when they can deduct that interest from their income.

Cain’s response to all of this hubub is that:

The people who spend more money on new goods. The sales tax only applies to people who buy new goods, not used goods. That’s a big difference that doesn’t come out.

This is like someone noting that their neighbor’s house is under water from a recent flood and telling that neighbor that everything will be okay because there is a good vacuum cleaner available at the local hardware store.

If you look at this link or a thousand others, Cain never responded to the main problem associated with a nationwide sales tax let alone the fact that someone working at McDonald’s would be losing 9% of his income once the plan went into effect. He merely exclaimed ex nihilo that used goods would never be taxed upon sale.

What the hell does the classification of ‘used’ have to do with anything, really?

Oh good, I do not have to worry any longer about shopping at Goodwill or the Salvation Army!

Now go ahead and tell me, show me, prove to me that the Hermanator is not a moron!

Michelle Bachmann, THE Most Ignorant Asian Feline Around.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sky3BxZmMAU

Michele Bachmann thinks America blew it by extending a safety net to millions of Americans under President Johnson’s “Great Society.” Her solution? Model the economy after communist China. 

The ‘Great Society’ has not worked and it’s put us into the modern welfare state,” she said. “If you look at China, they don’t have food stamps. If you look at China, they’re in a very different situation. They save for their own retirement security…They don’t have the modern welfare state and China’s growing. And so what I would do is look at the programs that LBJ gave us with the Great Society and they’d be gone.

First I would note that the Great Society helped put this fascist through college, employed her at the IRS, paid her and her husband a lot of money over the years for participating in a foster care program, most likely insured her home mortgage, subsidizes her husband’s main biz and has provided her with decent salaries as a state legislature and as a Congresswoman!

I would give my entire life force; the remaining years of my pitiful life to see Bachmann face Huntsman in a Court with a judge monitoring cross-examinations of both of these folks for two hours a piece. Huntsman (who is no icon to me) would turn this woman into a puddle of urine within 30 minutes. Bachmann knows as much about China, Chinese economics, Chinese culture, Chinese language, Chinese history, Chinese demographics, and Chinese political structure as the rest of us know about the Minnesota Foster Care Programs and the best manner in which to rip off the County, State and Federal Programs attendant to those programs.

And this ingrate, who claims Obama is a goddamn Islamic communist, would like us to adopt the policies of a one party communist system.

I LOVE AMERICA!

IT AINT ME YOU’RE LOOKIN FOR BABE!

(Why is it that all these small government hypocrites really made all of their monies off of governmental programs?)

 

MITT, THE Corporate Robot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW4y-9RoMFU

The Mitt likes to chuckle.

I mean who can really dislike someone who does not like to chuckle?

Corporations are human beings, he he says.

I Aint Gonna Work On Maggie’s Farm No More!

(Mitt says he is the new wave but he’s lost in ’94)

THE NEWT, THE Single Meanest Candidate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnXP2NQxpeE

Come in she said, I’ll give ya shelter from the storm!

All the Occupy movement starts with the premise that we all owe them everything,” Gingrich said at the Thanksgiving Family Forum in Iowa, as noted by Igor Volsky at ThinkProgress. “They take over a public park they didn’t pay for, to go nearby to use bathrooms they didn’t pay for, to beg for food from places they don’t want to pay for, to obstruct those who are going to work to pay the taxes to sustain the bathrooms and to sustain the park, so they can self-righteously explain they are the paragons of virtue to which we owe everything.”

Forget for one moment that Newton only needed a few drops of water from a Roman Catholic baptismal font to wash all of his many sins away!

We have a real unemployment rate of about 17% in this nation.

These are adults who would like to be employed and all this jackass would do in this situation would be to fire tens of thousands of janitors and replace them with sixth graders?

Five thousand pages of links could never give one enough to grasp the mental processes of the single worst evil this country has ever witnessed (after Dick Cheney of course)

Newton is incapable of giving a waif in front of his front door shelter from the storm!

I have to admit it is getting better.

Marbury v. Madison, a 1803 decision of the Supreme Court, gave no such authority to the Supreme Court to have “the last word in interpreting the Constitution.” That’s simply not true.

If the Supreme Court has the power to define in its own decisions the constitutional parameters of its own authority vis-à-vis the other two branches – such as giving itself the last word in American politics — then there is nothing preventing Congress from defining its Constitutional authority in a joint resolution passed by both the Senate and the House to give themselves the last word, or the President defining his Constitutional authority via an executive order to give himself the last word.

RON PAUL; THE Candidate For Anarchy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtPjHG3RSAM

[…] the federal war on drugs has proven costly and ineffective, while creating terrible violent crime. But if you question policy, you are accused of being pro-drug. That is preposterous. As a physician, father, and grandfather, I abhor drugs. I just know that there is a better way — through local laws, communities, churches, and families — to combat the very serious problem of drug abuse than a massive federal-government bureaucracy.

See Ron’s take on the drug war and on our world wide wars is dead on. I got no problem with these aspects of the Congressman’s message.

Along with the Departments of Energy and Education, Paul also proposes eliminating the Departments of Housing and Urban Development, Commerce, and Interior.

What business is it of ours if 20% of the world starves?

What business is it of government that my neighbors starve?

What business is it of government that my neighbors are homeless?

What business is it of government that my neighbor’s children have no educational opportunities?

If Johnny’s in the basement mixin’ up the medicine; what business is it of mine?

RICK PERRY, THE Baddest Candidate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLgJ7pk0X-s

I will tell you: It’s three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see. … OK. So Commerce, Education and the — … The third agency of government I would — I would do away with the Education, the … Commerce and — let’s see — I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.” –Rick-Perry

Everybody in the Media centers on this man’s inability to pass a basic brain scan.

The truth be told that it seems to be a trait of Texas Governors not to be able to speak on cue.

The real problem with Perry is not with what he says, the problem with this unprosecuted felon relates to what he has done.

Texas Enterprise Fund – basically, Rick Perry’s slush fund for politically connected insiders, another WASTE of your tax dollars. Gave $20 Million to Country Wide Financial which went bankrupt. Many company executives who get access to this slush fund are – you guess it – Perry contributors. Rick Perry has a massive cronyism problem. Supports $5 titty bar tax on every patron of a strip club – Wife Anita also supports it. “Wife” Anita on salary for $65,000/year at the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault and titty bar tax is their #1 legislative agenda item. TAASA receives state money already and wants to get grubby hands on titty bar tax. Titty bar tax ruled unconstitutional by lower courts. (2010) Adulterer Rick has sex with strippers on the side and does not pay $5 titty bar tax.
• Refused to stay the death sentence of Cameron Todd Willingham – Willingham had been convicted of murdering his family via an arson determination that was based on junk science. Even worse, Perry later removed 3 members of board of the Texas Forensic Science Commission that was investigating the case and put political pressure on the head of the panel (2009)

There are better descriptions of the slush funds that Perry as set up than this link, but my point is that Ricky’s vision of government is tit for tat.

If he aint getting tit, he aint handing out tat!

JOHN HUNTSMAN, Exactly WHO Are You?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdLIerfXuZ4&ob=av2e

WHO ARE YOU?

RICK SANTORUM, THE Candidate With The Cleanest Peepee.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR0T3f7tUw

(What do you see Ricky when you turn out the lights?)

This guy is so focused on his peepee at times that I begin to wonder about his sanity.

Even the conservative media when it comes to these issues are hesitant to talk about them, it’s not polite conversation.”

Santorum pointed to the landmark case, Lawrence v. Texas, where the U.S. Supreme Court overturned sodomy laws that were used to imprison gays and lesbians.

And I stood up from the very beginning back in 2003 when the Supreme Court was going create a constitutional right to sodomy and said this is wrong we can’t do this,” Santorum said. ”And so I stood up when no one else did and got hammered for it. I stood up and I continue to stand up.

Sodomy does not just apply to gays you know!

I swear if this guy were ‘in charge’ he would make sure that we all knew what proper sexual conduct was.

I can just see this manual being distributed to all newly-weds entitled:

President Santorum’s Proper Karma Sutra For Newly-Weds!

Maybe his real problem in life is that he never was on the receiving end of a good BJ!

He, of course, was horseshite as a senator, giving everything to the rich and taking all he could take from the poor even though he claims to be a compassionate republican.

Well that is all I got. I caught the squib about the first documented Earth-like exoplanet that Wolfie already noted in his blog today.

TPM caught my eye with this squib that was only four or five hours old when I first discovered it:

NASA on Monday announced it had discovered what could be the most Earth-like exoplanet yet — and the one with the best potential of supporting life besides Earth — using its Kepler orbital spacecraft and the Spitzer Space Telescope.

This is a major milestone on the road to finding Earth’s twin,” said Douglas Hudgins, Kepler program scientist, in a press release from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory. TPM

And I began dreaming of a parallel Earth with no repubs.

Somewhere over the Rainbow and the Milky Way!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_DKWlrA24k&ob=av2n

 

 

TRUMPED UP DEBATES

This debate is brought to you with limited commercial interruptions by Trump Enterprises, Howdy & Doody (your favorite bankruptcy law firm) and Depends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8QksTKRYS0

Narrator: Welcome to our network. This first Trump Debate will be hosted by Mel Gibson, at true Christian and a true American.

Mel Gibson: Welcome to the single most important Republican Debate of 2011. I am Mel Gibson; you might have heard of me.

(laughter and applause from audience which paid to be here)

Hahahaha.

I would like to introduce (as if you all don’t already know him) one of the Greatest Americans to ever appear in film or on the telly; Donald Trump.

As he told me once: You’re fired!

Ha, just kidding. But seriously folks Mr. Trump is a builder; an employer of thousands upon thousands of people; a first rate entertainer; and a lover of freedom.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(A boo is heard from the front row in the audience)

Get this motherf$%#ing Jew out of here!

(Four armed guards wearing riot equipment suddenly appear and drag the anarchist out of the arena)

Sorry folks for the interruption. People signed a contract prior to entering this event and, as usual, some lying contemptible demo-rat arrived in sheep clothing to disrupt these proceedings.

ANYBODY ELSE WISH TO JOIN THIS DEMO-RAT IN THE BASEMENT WITH A WATERBOARD?

Good.

Now, before I was so rudely interrupted, I was introducing one of our foremost Americans with a real birth certificate and documentation as a real citizen of these United States of America; unlike that black bastard who now dirties the Oval Office.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

(Applause and cheers all around)

So without further ado, I introduce our moderator; a true American; a true fighter for freedom and a member of the Better Business Bureau:

DONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALD TRUUUUUUUUUUMP.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORAY

(The audience per contract with the hosting network gives a standing ovation to the Donald!)

THE DONALD: Welcome to what I hope is the first of many debates to come on my network.

Without further ado I welcome an important group of Americans running for the highest office in this great land; just like I did before that illegal alien took over the White House!

Mel, will you do the honors?

MEL: Of course Mr. Trump.

First up to proceed to the podium, I introduce a true American and the only woman running for the Republican nomination: SARAH BACHMANN

(A murmer settled over the crowd until the Trump assistant with the biggest rack came over and whispered in Mel’s ear.)

MEL: I’m sorry. Ladies and gentlemen I present Michelle Bachmann!

(Bachmann enters the stage and walks over to the smallest dais)

MEL: Next I welcome a great American, a great candidate and a not-so-great former governor, Mitt Romney.

(Romney looks around quisically but enters the stage to his appointed dais)

MEL: I would now like to introduce my favorite candidate for President of the United States of America Congressman Ron Paul!

(The lady with the big rack rushes over to the side queue to wake up Representative Paul who manages to reach his dais after being reminded of where he was.)

MEL: Before I introduce our next candidate, a short word from one of our sponsors:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8wjQJuUN2I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTa_m_naQaQ

MEL: And now with great pleasure I introduce a fine American, a great historian (who is paid $60,000 an hour for his lectures) and a candidate for the Republican Nomination for President of the United States: Newt Gingrich!

(A roar is heard throughout the crowd; the men in the riot gear quickly arrive to subdue the meat-eating Tiger who evidently escaped from the Trump Zoo located next door to the debate arena)

MEL: Boy it looks like everybody is trying to get into the act! Finally it is my office to introduce a great former Senator, former pastor of the K-Street ministry and a great American: Rick Santorum!

And now without further ado, I hand the mike back to Donald Trump!

TRUMP: I would like to welcome this esteemed panel as well as Representative Bachmann to this network contest.

YOU’RE ALL FIRED!

(The audience roars with laughter—without the tiger who had been subdued—on cue from the green light used in rehearsal)

(Bachmann raises her hand)

TRUMP: Ms. Bachmann, are you asking for some female time?

MICHELE: No I just have a question before you begin these proceedings.

TRUMP: (Thinking with pursed lips) All right, I’ll bite, what can I do you for?

MICHELE: I note that you separated me in your welcome of the Republican slate. Why is that and why am I standing at a mini-dais so as to make me look of less importance than the other candidates?

TRUMP: My staff could not find a milk box for you to stand on so we substituted a dais used in the 2011 Middle School Spelling Bee. Sorry about that. But we provided you with the loudest mike to make up for this discrepancy. Anymore questions like that AND YOU ARE FIRED!

(Suddenly the entire crowd breaks up in laughter following a loud fart that appeared to come from behind Ron Paul’s dais, sounded like a Wednesday Federal Emergency Warning. Ron smiled and excused himself. The crowd laughs.)

TRUMP: Now, if everyone is settled back, I would like to ask this panel a very important question:

How many here believe in Evolution?

(Ron Paul raised his hand but after looking around he took it down. He then seemed to fidget with the hearing aid in his right ear.)

TRUMP: Good. Now my first question goes to Governor Mitt Romney: Governor what are your thoughts on Obama Care and what proposals would you send to Congress by way of amending that legislation that was modeled after the program you signed into law in Massachusetts?

MITT: (Laughs nervously.) I have answered that question at least three hundred times and I am sick and tired of having to answer it here. Where in the hell did you get your list of questions anyway; the DNC? I…

TRUMP: Your time is up!

(Mitt walks off the stage after giving Donald the finger.)

TRUMP: Goodby and good luck Governor; I was going to fire you anyway. Now I would like to ask Speaker Gingrich: What measures would you propose in order to revamp our national educational system.

NEWT: I think that it is incumbent upon this nation to institute some regimen, some discipline and some common sense into our public schools. I would begin by issuing an executive order that all students in the public school who receive food stamps begin working in the school kitchen two hours each and every day—except Sunday of course when they must attend church. That executive order would also mandate that the children of those who do not pay property taxes in their respective school districts must clean toilets and scrape gum off the student lockers three hours every day—except Sunday of course when they must attend church services. And finally in that order I would mandate that no child sporting a tattoo; sporting a strange hair cut; sporting clothes that seem out of place or spitting out obscenities on school property be summarily expelled for at least one year.

Those students found to be in possession of a controlled substance shall be imprisoned for no less than a year and no more than three years.

TRUMP: Well Mr. Speaker, I do not know about the hair style thing but I support every other matter included in your proposed order.

(Ron Paul raises his hand)

TRUMP: Yes Mr. Paul, would you like to respond?

PAUL: You damn better bet I would like to respond. Why in God’s name should we even discuss a National Education System. There is nothing in the Constitution that even suggests that the Federal Government have anything to do with public or private schools.

TRUMP: Well what measures would you take should you be elected President of the United States?

PAUL: I personally believe that everyone should be home schooled. Let the parents monitor their own child’s progress as far as reading, writing and arithmetic. But that would be up to the several states and none of the Federal Government’s business.

TRUMP: Well I think you are wrong about all this but while I have your attention, we requested certain things from today’s panelists prior to becoming part of this great debate. Why were you the only one to omit including your birth certificate in the packet supplied to my staff?

PAUL: I was home-birthed.

END OF PART ONE OF THIS GREAT DEBATE.

On Singing Latin, and Other Uncomfortable Things

Well, as most of you know, I moved to Pennsylvania and am settling in. I joined the Pike County Choral Society because my mother and sister are altos there and I thought it would be fun to sing again. I haven’t sung in a choir since high school. Seriously. I am so out of practice it isn’t funny.

You learn, in a good high school chorus, how to sing a little Latin, a little French, perhaps some German. You don’t really learn enough, of course, but you can get the gist of how each language is supposed to sound while being sung by a group of people who can or cannot really sing well.

Having forgotten that you’re supposed to drop the H and that I is “ee”, I found myself mispronouncing all this gorgeous Latin stuff that Dvorak wrote in his Mass in D. As for learning German, I never learned it, so all I can say is that singing Bach in chorus is a hell of a lot harder than learning Bach on the piano. And I happen to be a smoker, so instead of being a high soprano or a soprano or even an alto (which is how I progressed in high school over the course of two years), I am now a tenor. And the Pike County Choral Society only had two other tenors, before I showed up. So now I’m singing some wrong notes AND mispronouncing my Latin and German whilst singing the tenor part with only two other people.

Oy.

After two very uncomfortable rehearsals wherein I felt I was in WAY over my head, I got a CD from my sister which features some other chorus singing the songs we are practicing, and I also was led to a handy little website called Cyberbass.com. I can now practice at home, which is a good thing because having one two-hour rehearsal once a week just won’t cut it. I also looked up “How to sing Latin in Chorus” and got some great tips on the internet. Lastly, I transferred the CD my sister made onto my iPod so that I can go to bed each night listening to all the songs we’re featuring in our concert. It helps just to listen to it, without singing, so that it ‘sinks in’. I’m finally feeling like I can get these songs ready by the Holiday Concert coming up next month. I’m also having some really good dreams lately, too, which was unexpected.

It would be really cool if someone will come and videotape us so that we can stick the concert up on YouTube, but then again, I’d be scared silly if they did. I just think it would be kinda cute to sing Latin for my good friend Dick Day, LOL…

Anyway, if you ever find yourself in a choral society and you’re singing Latin, here’s some pointers: A is “ah” as in “Father”. E is “eh” as in “Fed”. I is “EE”. Period. O is “aw” as in “Fought”. U is “ooh”. Period. Y is I which is “EE”.

Make light of your consonants and concentrate on your vowels. Breathe in deeply without moving your chest or shoulders, and only breathe when you can sneak in a breath. Which isn’t often. Always look at your director except when you’re busy looking at the music. Always follow the music except when you’re busy looking at the director. Um. De-um.

De-e-e-um. Daylight comin’ and me wanna go home…

DOGS

 

I woke up some Saturday morning 35 years ago or so.

I was feeling pretty good.

Went out for my run and came back two hours later.

So I am consuming my breakfast with relish. When you really exercise, every frickin day, you can eat whatever you want. The problem is, if you are fudging and saying you are exercising every day and then eat what you want….well you get fat.

But not me. For fifteen years I knew the rules.

Anyway, I am doing just fine, relishing my earned feast and the mother of my children went on the attack.

You see, I have always been loud and obnoxious and when something pissed me off, I just went off like a rocket.

My first wife would wait, contain, see what would transpire without her embellishment.

Until she would erupt like Mt. Vesuvius and the surrounding area would find itself under a great depth of ash.

Anyway, she who must be obeyed erupted:

YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO GET A DOG, WHERE IS THE FRICKIN DOG, GO GET THE DOG!

All righty then.

I dressed properly and took her note regarding where I was going and left to the animal’s holding tank.

I arrived and all the girls running the joint were appreciative and wished to put on the nicest front to any idiot who entered their sanctuary.

I went to the front desk and the lady asked:

What is your purpose?

Well I have been ordered by the Queen of the Galaxy to remove one of your prisoners and take him to our abode.

She laughed.

We have several available subjects, would you like to visit with them?

Well, being a clever fellow, I was not going to take home the first applicant.

I was going to survey the situation.

So I asked if I could take some candidates for the position for a quick walk first before making my choice.

She said:

Well that would be fine.

So I was led to the jail cells and discovered many prisoners who really were not that happy about their current situation.

I picked out one of the pups and a leash was attached and I walked the little bastard to the waiting area and sat down and he would not shut up and he would not quit jumping up and down.

 

I repeated this attempt at mind melding at least two or three more times and received the same reaction.

Finally, I hit the fourth prospect.

He was a Lab cross mutt and he dutifully and respectfully accepted the leash.

I led him out of the prison area and headed for the waiting area.

He most dutifully followed me without any need for the leash which I dutifully held.

I found a chair and the dog just sat there, looking at me.

He did not bark.

He did not jump up and down.

He did not whimper.

 

All righty then.

I had found the proper companion for my ninos.

So I find out that rescuing costs.

I had to fork out $70.00 or so for shots and such; which I was not happy about but then again, I had to face Vesuvius.

After due payment, I walked out the door with the leash provided by the private prison personnel and we headed for the car.

Now there are only five or six cars in this small parking lot but this dog knew, absolutely knew which car was mine!

And this pup took off for that car like it was the underground railroad.

He almost pulled my arm off and I could do nothing but laugh.

This was the single funniest event I had ever witnessed.

He had played me as a con like we had met in some carnival. HahahahahaHAH

He had planned to be supine and agreeable and patient and….

ALL SO THAT HE COULD GET OUT OF THAT PRISON.

Hahahahahahahahaah

I could not help it.

I could not take him back.

He would go home with me.

I mean, a creature like this should be rewarded for this type of intellegent behavior.

I get him home to our little suburban dwelling and I introduce him to my five year old and seven year old.

The youngest is in heaven.

He is shaking and looks at the dog and looks at me and looks at the ground and he picks up a stick and throws it.

And this dog goes right for the stick and takes it back to my son.

Inside, I went nuts.

This was one of the greatest experiences I had ever had.

A few years later I split up with my wife and moved into a home I had purchased about two blocks away.

I came to my old abode to pick up the kids and this mutt came to the door and started barking at me.

I SAVED YOUR GODDAMN LIFE YOU STUPID BASTARD…..

As usual I went on and on.

But he never barked at me again. Hahahahahaha

Fourteen or so years later, my son gets the bad news that Spot has to be put down.

Well, he was in college at the time and said no dice.

So he cared for Spot for another few months and then came to the realization that it was over.

And Spot reached his final destination.

I loved that dog.

A black Labrador from English stock

 

The end

 

Democrat Like Me

For years the idea haunted me, if a Republican became a Democrat in the deep North what adjustments would she have to make?

And that is how it began, that fateful day in 1984 was the day I decided to infiltrate the Democratic party and turn them all into Liberal Republicans! I knew I could do it if I could just find a way to fit in first, to blend in, so I went to the doctor’s office for some help.

“Hey Doc”, I said to him after he forced me on that scale again, why do they always want to know how much I weigh? “Hey T”, he replied, we were old friends since the heady days of Watergate. “Doc, I want to attempt to infiltrate the Democratic Party and turn them into a corporatist Republican lite party. I think I can do it, if I try very, very hard. How can I do this?”

He laughed and then smirked at me, he said, “Well first of all you need to quit shopping at Brooks Brothers, cause that totally doesn’t fit for a Democrat, I think you need to shop at vintage stores from now on, and find some bell bottom jeans with embroidery on them, preferably flowers and sunshine and stuff, it will make you seem whimsical and egalitarian.”

I was kind of happy that I had to shop for my newest endeavor, although I wasn’t totally into this Vintage Store BS but if I had to buy some crappy hippy clothes then I would, it is easier to punch them if you look like them.

So I thought I should find out about the party I was infiltrating so I decided I would study hard at the virtual knee of one James “Corporal Cueball” Carville. I saw him one night on CNN, and thought he would be the perfect teacher for me.   So I studied Carville, and knew I was about to become a superstar in the Democratic Party, superstardom leads to apparatchikdom too and that was my ultimate goal, become an apparatchik, it would make me feel like I had more control over all things Democratic and I could lead them myself to Republicanism, which ultimately was my goal, to make sure Democrats were just Republicans without the backbone.

My first effort was to make them, the Democrats, think that I took my new party seriously, when really I was just a shill for my corporate, tribal overlords. This fact was discovered by the arch nemesis to all corporate shills like myself, one Glenn Greenwald. He is a superstar this Greenwald guy, he has absolutely no connection to corporate overlords. His CATO membership is just a ruse, and his white papers for them, just a job, but he isn’t affected at all by these things, as he isn’t a sell out in anyway shape or form, and he never ever lets the corporate will beat him down, he fights it all the time.  He has no professional connection to corporate overlords and he is merely out for America the Beautiful. Greenwald is awesome in his ability ferret out those of us who have sold out America to the highest bidder. Working with the Koch is like waving an American flag, working with the Democrats is like working for Satan.

So my plan has worked, the health care bill we have currently, was my plan from the beginning, to sell out America by forcing them to have access to health insurance.  It will evolve into nothing that can benefit anyone really. States will not take the matter into their own hands to search for the best answer for their citizens either.  Certainly places like Minnesota (status of the Act), California, ( LWV, support of California OneCare), Illinois, Pennsylvania, Montana, (more Montana analysis) Massachusetts and Vermont have not taken the new law and tried to make it beneficial for their own citizens. They have succumbed to the dead-end health reform, the one that only supports insurance companies and is terrible for the people!

My mission is complete and soon I am sure I will be promoted head apparatchik, instead of just being referred to as the Greatest Living Democrat.

Hey Democrats consider yourselves Pwned.

Crossposted at TheAngriestLiberal

VASCO DA GAMA & HARI KRISHNA

Maha-mantra

I cannot let this one go.

I awaken to my NYT last Saturday nite and come upon my entertainment for the week.

That is my entertainment in my men’s room.

And I come upon a critique of a book on (of all people) Vasco da Gama.

I mean, if Word (or a rip off of Word) cannot properly spell Vasco da Gama, who cares?

It took me back to the tenth grade when I had this voice and this voice exclaimed:

WHO IN THE HELL GIVES ONE GODDAMN ABOUT VASCO DA GAMA?

But when nature calls, I am forced to ponder whatever fricking book is lying on the outhouse floor.

Well, it turns out that this critique was probably the most illuminating piece of paper that I had the opportunity to ponder all week.

Vasco it seems had some headstrong antithesis against the theories and the persona of one Christopher Columbus.

Vasco thought, fuck this western approach to India; I am proceeding South….for a ways anyway.

So Vasco takes his team around the Cape of Good Hope and proceeds north to find India.

Now unlike Chris who had no idea what he was doing, no idea where he was really heading and no idea of where he found himself; Vasco found what both these great navigators were looking for.

Da Gama found India.

So what is so fascinating about reading an article on the Crapper that discusses European mercantilism foreshadowing the conquering of India by the barbarian Angles (ultimately even though de Gama was Portuguese)?

Well Vasco had done his homework.

He certainly knew that half of the known world were those goddamnable Muslims.

That was an easy thing for him to know since:

  1. Half of the Mediterranean was made up of Muslims in the 15th century.
  2. Da Gama was Portuguese and half of Spain had been Muslim as of the 12th.
  3. Vasco had access to thousands of books written by the Inquisition that wished to abolish the Muslims as devils.

So Vasco took a quick left at the Cape of Good Hope of Africa and then a  another quick left and months later ended up in Calicut, India.

He lands with his crew and discovers there are no Mosques.

What a frickin relief.

The ambition was not entirely fanciful; there were Christian communities in India, founded according to legend by St. Thomas the Apostle. Da Gama couldn’t tell an Indian Christian from a cassowary, but on this occasion, ignorance was truly bliss. When his ships finally moored at Calicut, near the southern tip of the subcontinent, he and his crew rejoiced to learn that there were indeed many Christians long settled there. As Cliff recounts, the “landing party had assumed that Hindu temples were Christian churches, they had misconstrued the Brahmins’ invocation of a local deity as veneration of the Virgin Mary and they had decided the Hindu figures on the temple walls were outlandish Christian saints.” True, “the temples were also crammed with animal gods and sacred phalluses,” but these surely reflected exotic local Christian practices. What mattered to the Portuguese was that these long-lost Indian Christians permitted images in their “churches.” Thus, whatever their idiosyncrasies, they could not be Muslims. The Portuguese joined in the chants and invocations with gusto. When the Hindu priests chanted “Krishna,” the Portuguese heard it as “Christ.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/11/books/review/holy-war-by-nigel-cliff-book-review.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=VASCO%20DE%20GAMA&st=cse#h[]

I can understand how someone in the 15th century could mistake a Phallus for a Cross. I mean who wouldn’t?

But I could not stop laughing while I sat working out my inner confusions.

This was the funniest thing I have read in months!

And I never gave one goddamn about Da Gama before! Ha!

Morons Minding the Store

I’ve read any number of things worth commenting on today but the FCC Chairman, Julius Genachowski, gets the heads up for his ridiculous statement about the damage from hurricane Irene.

“The good news, based on these initial reports, is that there hasn’t been major damage to our communications infrastructure, except for damage along coastal regions hit hard by the storm,” he said in a statement.

How’s that? Everything is fine. Except where the hurricane hit. OK.
LINK

The extent of the damage wreaked on the East Coast’s communications infrastructure became more apparent on Monday as new reports trickled in to the Federal Communications Commission.

As of Monday afternoon, as the storm moved north, the commission reported that 44 percent of the cell tower sites in Vermont are out of service, more than a third are out in Connecticut, 31 percent are out in Rhode island, and a quarter are out of service in Virginia.

Meanwhile, the percentage of cell sites that are out of service in North Carolina declined slightly to 11 percent from 14 percent.

So far, Hurricane Irene has put 6,500 cell phone sites out of service, knocked out 210,700 landline phones, crippled two television stations, affected a million cable customers and taken 10 radio stations off line.

These numbers are larger than the ones reported Sunday afternoon by the commission, which at the time said 1,398 cell sites were not operational. That could be because many of the cell sites at the time were operating on back-up power.

But it also appears that the number of cable subscribers whose cable service has gone down has doubled from 500,000 on Sunday.

Nevertheless, FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski said Sunday that in his opinion, the damage to the communications infrastructure wasn’t “major,” and that first responders were not impeded in their emergency communications.

“The good news, based on these initial reports, is that there hasn’t been major damage to our communications infrastructure, except for damage along coastal regions hit hard by the storm,” he said in a statement.

“The FCC remains on active watch around-the-clock to assess and respond to outages where necessary,” he said. “I have also spoken directly to the CEOs of wireless, telco and cable companies, and we are working to ensure continuation of service, and that service is restored quickly where needed.”