SpongeBob Snowden


Emulating his older brother, teenager Robert Snowden today leaked revelations that his employer, 7-Eleven, had been improperly recording employee and customer data. Snowden has reportedly fled to the family treehouse to escape retribution.

“Robert and Edward – who used to call each other Squidward and SpongeBob – were very close, but also very competitive, so it is not surprising that Bobby would follow his older brother into the role of whistleblower.” said their mother, from under a red blanket. She observed, “A lot of people wonder why he went to the treehouse instead of hiding in the basement, but he knows I get dizzy after the fourth rung.”

In point of fact, authorities were already aware of the 7-Eleven abuses:

Federal authorities seized 14 7-Eleven stores on Long Island and in Virginia, arresting nine owners and managers, and seized property, including five homes. They are investigating 40 other 7-Eleven…

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