I decided that enough was enough.
I was 29 and out of shape and drinking all the time and unhappy and…
Don’t get me wrong, I spent decades sober and feeling unhappy all the time, but I had caught something at that time and place.
I set down some rules and I would follow them.
So every morning I would get up at 5:00 AM for a change and have my cigs and some coffee.
Following this first rule, I would dress in shorts and a top and go for a five mile run (it started as two then it morphed to nine and then I settled on five)
But there was nothing on TV at 5:00 AM except for some exercise program where women would dress up like they were on this old show called Baywatch and stretch.
It was exhilarating really.
One morning my son, who was three, came out of his bedroom and sat down with me.
I had no idea why but I would grab some orange juice and hand him his cup.
Well, he liked these exercise videos. Hahahahah
The poor kid.
I was still smoking inside of the house at that time.
But then it became a regular thing.
I mean he would come out of his bedroom and come and sit with me as we watched these nubiles exercising. Hahahahahahah
I would give him his cup of orange juice, prepared before he arrived and he would sip and watch these girls. Hahahah
So now he comes a couple hundred miles to visit every other month (it was more like twice a year before he found his beloved with relatives up here) and we speak of the old days and the new.
He actually recalls these early days as I prepared to jog. Hahahahah
I blogged before about my childhood.
As I look back, my father had left instructions for my regimen while he was at work for my poor mentally limited mother. (He died when I was twelve from a multitude of sins)
I was to nap in the master bed at age three and four.
And there was a magazine left on the coffee table next to the bed.
I recall the name to this day.
It was cavalier magazine
There were wonderful things in those Cavalier Magazines
I mean you might read your child writings from 1001 Arabian_Nights
You might have read your child writings from Chaucer or Mallory or even Upton St. Clair.
But nobody every read anything to me.
There were no books in my home. And I can go into great detail upon this subject but it would break from my message here.
My kids always had books around them.
They had books on shelves around the house.
They had great encyclopedias.
I had books, just like I do now, laying around. You know those books that you have read and pulled to read again, the new books you are just introducing yourselves to, the old books that you should be reading but….well you just keep them handy!
My father was worried that I would become a homo. Hahahahahahaha
So he actually instructed my mother to make available soft soft pornography so that I would be drawn to the side of the light. Hahahahahahah
I never was caught up in this strange fear. Fear for the sexual preference of my own son. It never occurred to me.
I was in love with my Kindergarten teacher for chrissakes. Hahahaha Until she lifted me up and put me in the corner for some sort of infraction that to this day I do not recall. Hahhaha
Anyway, this exercise commercial was put on cable at five AM or so and my son was immediately drawn to it. Hahahahah
My son needed no reeducation regarding the matter.
My son needed no religious direction in the matter.
My son liked semi-naked women. Well, and naked women also. hahahahahah
I will never forget when we moved to Edina about 1992.
I walked into his room and there was this enlarged Playboy pinup on his wall. Really tame by the standards of this day and age. Hahahahaha
And I still had this voice in my head, and my boy was 14 and this voice said:
ALL RIGHTY THEN!
You cannot push these children into some category.
I mean they find those categories themselves.
I did not and never did need Cavalier Magazine to lead me to temptation. Hahaahahahahah
I only bring this up because these thoughts no longer embarrass me.
I certainly cannot believe these thoughts would embarrass my son. I have spoken about these thoughts with him.
I bring these thoughts up because of people like Rick Santorum and Gary Bauer and the rest of these so-Called Christian leaders espouse this conspiracy theory; that there are people out there ready and willing to turn our entire population into homsexuality.
What do I know?
I only know what I have experienced personally and through my personal contacts.
There are other theories for sure.
I mean the Spartan histories are interesting.
Semper Fidelis might have arisen from the Spartan ‘policy’ of bisexuality.
The Spartan children were sent to war camp when they were babies (I mean 6 or 8 years of age)
But they were betrothed to a woman of child bearing age in those days at 12 or 13 years of age.
Alexander of Macedonia, north of Greece, was leading troops at age 13 on his horse Bucephalus and
went to war.
There were jokes about Navy men when I was a kid before I even understood the sexual pejoratives at the time.
The Spartan idea had to do with your relationship to your team mate in the trenches!
Alexander was bisexual for sure. He had his true love(s) and yet fostered children by his royal wife.
Julius Caesar liked to f(*&k anything that walked.
I do not have all of the answers but I will tell you this from personal experience.
I never fostered some lust for a man. I never thought about sex with a man. I had no idea how this act could be accomplished until I was in my twenties. (Yeah I was that naive)
And after a few beers with my son, he never has either.
I was struck with Roman Catholic Propaganda that made all sex bad—as if that would deter the masses. Hahahah Let alone the clerics, hahahahah
Is this all Freudian denial?
I don’t think so.
The Roman Catholic Church has nothing to do with the education of my son. I made sure of that.
This fear from Rick Santorum and his followers of homosexual male haters and the gay conspiracy to make us all verboten to God—you have to understand that from a purely propaganda perspective Lesbian issues have never really troubled the Church. I do not know how to explain this but the nunneries were never a threat to the Church. Ever! Nuns having sex with nuns would lead to no children.
I have watched Ralph Reed, and Robertson and the late Falwell and Bauer and Hagge and scores of others who have strange longings as far as I am concerned.
I can understand the deeply religious abhorrence of abortion. I understand this; killing a potential human being is abominable. And I am not going to get into this issue here except to say that technology has changed over the decades and after 45 or 60 days a woman should make a decision. But then I am stuck with the health, welfare and survival of the mother and….see, I am stuck and so I lose the issue.
But damn, some conspiracy by gay people to somehow take over the universe is just comic book crap.
I mean aliens from Krypton are going to use death rays to destroy us all. Although they would certainly do well in Hollywood!
And I have said it before and I will say it again as others more talented have put it.
These so-called ‘family Christian folks against homosexuality’ have an inner problem demonstrating that they have real issues with in regard to their own sexuality.
I do not believe them! I do not believe the underlying theory of behavioral training, or the underlying theory of Satanic propaganda or the underlying theory that homosexuals might taint the potential fetus pool.
Oh and for those Catholic bishops out here:
I really am aroused by naked women.
Oh my God I am heartily sorry for having offended thee and I detest all my sins….
All these thoughts are undocumented; I mean there are no real links to facts.
But where in the hell are the links from these Christian anti-Gay evangelists?