SURVIVING AN APRIL BLIZZARD

PAULA DEEN’S BEST DISHES

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNiW_n2bfIA

Well spring is almost a month in the making and I wake up to a goddamn blizzard.

There has got to be half a foot of the white stuff or more out there this morning where there was none yesterday.

Depressing.

Well one third of us are obese.

I was just speaking with the NJ Governor about all this.

We eat too much sugar and corn syrup and fat and salt.

But life can be a drag for the overworked and underpaid American.

Sometimes we just have to throw caution to the four winds and party up so that we can create our own winds.

And that is where Paula Deen comes in with her Southern Accent, Southern comfort food and Southern Butt.

One of my favorites is her pasta in Alfredo Sauce.

INGREDIENTS

Three pounds of butter.

Two pounds of cream cheese

Half gallon of heavy cream

Sixteen cloves of garlic

Four pounds of sugar (white)

One pound of brown sugar

One half pound of salt.

One pound Provolone Cheese

Half a pound Mozzarella Cheese.

Half a pound of Parmesan Cheese

One sprig of parsley

One large bag of marshmallows

Thirteen Hershey bars

Three packages of graham crackers.

Three one pound packages of linguine

Put the butter into a great big skillet (I mean a great great big big skillet) and rest on low heat. You really do not wish to burn the butter.

Take a shower or something…this will take some time.

After the butter has melted toss in the cream cheese. Best to drop this ingredient into the pan in clumps with your hands (clean hands but then again you just took a shower). This is one of my funtimes, really. I like to work on the cream cheese. It is kind of like wet Play Dough.

Sticky fingers!

While that is melting into the butter, grab a 5 gallon pot and fill with water. Put the pot on high.

Speaking of high, always have a doobie available when you find yourself in the midst of conjuring up fine dining. It would be a good time to light one up about now! Always safer doing your smokin in the kitchen cause you can always blame the scent on your spice rack.

Now as the mixture in the skillet is melting, toss in a quarter or so of your salt, tossing another quarter into the pot of water. You can never have enough salt; just ask McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC and even Budweiser Breweries.

Toss in the cream and the cheese.

Stir occasionally but you can catch the last two innings of the ball game while this mess is melting.

Finally, toss in the parsley (finely chopped) and put the pasta in the boiling water.

Whisk up the cheese mess, adding half a can of black pepper.

The pasta should be done after ten minutes or so and place in one of those metal containers with holes in the sink.

Gently put the pasta on big big platters and cover with sauce.

Feeds four (or three really really hungry folks)

(Oh the grahams and the chocolate and marshmallows are for late nite smores! And I really am not sure what to do with all that sugar)