EMAILING IT IN

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SARAH PALIN ON THE MOVE

You’ve got mail! Time magazine’s cover story of Sarah Palin’s tactics and ambitions was done entirely through email messages. In the story’s eighth paragraph, the article cites a quote, “says Palin, who answered questions from TIME via email.” The tactic is raising eyebrows in journalism circles, where email interviews are often frowned upon — there is no way of guaranteeing the answers actually came from the source. And now there is speculation that Palin’s aides could have replied to the magazine’s queries. In addition, the questions were also answered on her terms, as opposed to the interview she conducted with The New York Times when she spent an hour on the phone and spoke about her Tweeting habits. Read it at Salon

 

I was able, through my D.C contacts, to get access to some of the emails between Time and Sarah Palin that were not printed in the magazine. And here is the interview I discovered from my review.

TIME: Governor Palin, does Your Highness like to read and if so what do you like to read and what would you recommend to your fans?

PALIN: I am so glad you asked that question TIME. I like to read the best Newspapers like the Wall Street Journal and U.S. News & World Report and of course the Weekly Reader.  And you betchya I would recommend so many things to read for my constituents. Off the top of my head I would first recommend:

The Rise & Fall of the Roman Empire by Gibbons.

Call of the Wild by Jackie London.

The Business of America is Business by Calvin_Coolidge

I have included a long reading list in my recent book, Why I Love America and Caribou. But for this high tech interview I include these three.

TIME: Well Ms. Governor, why are these three books of so importance to you?

PALIN: I am so pleased you asked that question TIME. (And never call me Ms. Because that sobriquet is for bra burners and communists)

The Rise & Fall of the Roman Empire presages (is that a word?) the pitfalls that this great nation faces every time a liberal law is socialized into law.  As soon as the Romans became immoral doing all those sexual things and having abortions, it began to fade on the world screen. I cannot let my children watch TV anymore. You know that cartoon with the round headed kids? Just last week one of the characters died and everyone laughed and the teacher keeps wearing women’s clothes; right in front of the kids. This is what happened in Rome thousands of years ago. They did not have cartoons of course but they had murals. Did you see some of those murals at Pompeii and stuff? Well they cleaned the soot off of those walls and there were nekked people drawn and painted all over the place.

And of course, God had sent a volcano over that a ways and destroyed that Sodom & Gomorrah for the Romans’ sins and that was the very beginning of the end for the Roman People.

TIME: Exactly when was that event that destroyed Pompeii?

PALIN: I am so glad you asked that question TIME. My research staff—and I want to tell you that I am researching new things all the time because I love to read and research—tells me that Pompeii was destroyed by my Lord & Savior in the 70’s A.D. and I always use that A. D. because it means Anno something and that is the Year of Our Lord & Savior and this tripe about Common Era and stuff is made up by godless scientists.

TIME: And why is Calvin Coolidge so important to you?

PALIN: Another GREAT question. Calvin Coolidge brought us the Common Era—not the liberal NY Common Era—I am talking about the new American Spirit of industry and candoitness (is that a word?)

TIME: But did not America end up in the Great Depression only months after President Coolidge left office?

PALIN: That is a misunderestimation of what really took place here TIME. The liberals just will not take the time to really study history.  President Roosevelt’s socialist agenda turned a minor downturn in the Markets into the Great Depression by doing communist things.

TIME: Okay…….We did kind of feel that Jack London wrote that other book and….

PALIN: Oh but Jackie London was his wife and she wrote her own version and it was all about American Singularity—that is a scientific term—and the yearning for calling the wild things. I always liked that song you know and this American Woman worked with Mrs. Stanton to wipe out abortion and make sure that children prayed before supper.

TIME: When you get a chance during your busy schedule, could you send us a copy of that book, we will gladly pay any cost including postage?

PALIN: I surely will, you Betchya…anything to get the liberal press on the bandwagon for Americans who love America.

TIME: Are you saying that we do not love America?

PALIN: As my pappy used to say, it is not what you want to do, it is how you want to do it. And you all have a heart of darkness.

TIME: Your Highness, you have accused this Administration of instituting death panels and yet, is it not true that the Republican Governor of Arizona has not instituted her own  Death-Panels?

PALIN: You know what TIME? I love America and the Republican Party loves America and Governor Brewer loves America.

TIME: That is all fine and good Governor, but what about the death panels?

PALIN: This Administration hates America. And this Administration has weakened American power in the world and this Administration is giving away everything to our  enemies. If President Obama would just read my Facebook once in awhile, our nation would not be so imperiled.

TIME: Fine. Are you going to run for President of the United States Governor Palin?

PALIN: That is all up to the American People of course and that is why I am taking this world tour. I want to discover what Americans need and want all over the world and not just here.

TIME: Well thank you for that Governor. But are you going to run for President of the United States?

PALIN: Well that is going to have to be left to the American People to answer.

I do know about an awful lot of Vice-Presidential candidates who became President  however.

I am involved in very important things right now. I raise a lot of money for my family and others.

I raise a lot of money for the right thinking Republicans. I raise a lot of money for FOX News. I raise a lot of money for charities. Just recently I set up a special charity fund for conservative children attempting to survive liberal parenting. I did not even know about this happenstance, frankly. We have already raised $500,000.00 for this project and we are so proud of this. What a team I have working for me.

TIME: Well what are you going to use that money for exactly?

PALIN: We have reached out to a publishing company, approved by the Texas Board of Education , to send needed textbooks to these poor children of liberal parents and we are also supplying these children with tickets to visit the new Adam & Eve’s Land of the Dinosaur We must do something for those poor abandoned children of liberals.

TIME: What exactly is your relationship with minorities?

PALIN:  Well some people have claimed that I would never hire minorities.

That just is plumb not true. Why right now I have one of them Italian fellows and a Swedish Lady workin’ for me and they both know Black folks, and I mean they really know them Black folks well.

The fact is that I am color blind. As Martin Luther King used to say: The lower the taxes the better for race relationships. Folks are just too too afraid to quote that great American  these days.

TIME: Governor, some say that you do everything you can to avoid the media, to avoid being questioned.

PALIN: I talk to reporters every single day. Not the lame stream media , but the real intensive media run by a real American, Rupert Murdoch. Not like the other immigrant news people, there are newspapers run by people that just hate America, and I love America.

TIME: Is there anything in general you would like to leave our readers with?

PALIN: Well family, faith and flag are the three ideals I carry with me at all times. The three F’s I call em.

Americans need more F’s in their lives.

9 thoughts on “EMAILING IT IN

  1. Snoring Dog Studio

    I always appreciate it when a writer attempts to “humanize” Sarah Palin. She and Christine OD are really just like us, huh? You betchya.

    Very funny post. Loved it.

  2. Dick you gotta figure out a way, if you can talk like you can write, to get on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. I would love to see two titans of satire going at it for all they’re worth.

    What I would like to see is for you to do like you’ve done here with Palin directed at one of the real evil doers like Cheney or Sessions or DeMint and keep from having their evil reflected in your commentary. You are at the top of your game when you mock these people and less so when you rant at their evil. Now I know that’s a tall order but I’m sure you see what I mean.

    1. I started stream of consciousness of course. I mean every body knows the ridiculous things she says.

      But I went back and made sure I linked. I really did not make much of this up.

      And you are correct. I do think satire is better.

      I just get so damned mad. ha

      1. MSNY

        A Classic. But never forget this refrain;

        Life’s a piece of shit
        When you look at it
        Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
        You’ll see it’s all a show
        Keep ’em laughing as you go
        Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

  3. cmaukonen

    “True, I can’t deal with you here and now as I’d like. But just try and stay out of my way. Just try! I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!”

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